Expat Challenges: Don't get too attached to your friends

Its been a while since my last post, I have been kept busy lately as I've had a week of final goodbyes to my dearest friend here.

Living the life of an expat in a truly foreign country leads you to cling to the other expat friends you make... well unfortunately these people are drifting through life like you and not laying down roots so you get used to saying goodbye all too many times.

Ahhh, well. This is the life we are leading and "regular" life must go on despite losing an essential pillar to your "regular" life abroad. My friend John who just left was here from the start, my drinking buddy, my 'enabler' I always called him - bringing out the party girl in me, my confidant and little bit of normality in an otherwise surreal life. John would keep me happy and sane in the long weeks my husband is away and I am otherwise alone. The ring-leader of the gossip train within my husband's company and the glue which held our expat communities together: breaking up "the French group" or "the Spanish group" to create just a group of expats who hung out and a family away from family.

But, having such a good friend leave can't only be bad, here are the positives that I can draw from the situation, feel free to add any more:

• You can re-invent yourself: you aren't held back by people's established ideas of your personality
• It gets you out of your comfort zone: make the effort to meet new people and keep busy and you will be rewarded
• You're left re-evaluating your own situation and plans, this isn't good to dwell on and second guess yourself too much, but can stop you drifting along in your current job/situation for longer than you should.

Anyway, I'm off to join a new Yoga class in the hope of meeting some new non-drinking mates. 

Namaste 

Moving Forward - onwards and upwards

Time to pick yourself off the floor, out the gutter, get back in the driving seat. Moping time over!

I think that in life you are one of two characters when it comes to dealing with problems, either the type to: 1) Bury your head in the sand or, 2) Move on.

Dear Husband is quite happy watching TV, swimming, eating, relaxing, reading or playing games to avoid dealing with the issue/problem/failure. 

Us avoiding dealing with the issue

I, on the other hand simply cannot just “be”. I need to deal with the problem whether “dealing” is going to help move forward or not, I need to feel in control and proactively taking steps to remedy the issue in order to feel ok with the set-back. 

Recently DH was not selected for a job we really had our hearts set on. The country, the company, our new life was all a perfect fit and perfectly planned out. All that came crashing down with the rejection email that he unfortunately wasn’t successful in the interview. Cue heartache, disappointment, sadness, helplessness, feeling that life is unfair, frustration… arggghhh. But, life goes on. Ce la vie. 

Personally, in order to feel back in control of our destiny, I want to fire off some emails, apply for the next position, study and rehearse for the next interview, and move forward. DH wants to mourn the loss of this job and mope. But he doesn’t even want to mope which would almost be acceptable… he just wants to exist. Its so frustrating. How can you possibly relax just being left behind as life goes on?!?

I think I need my own focus which I am in control of. If I fail I can pick myself up and move on. What’s happened in this situation is DH has failed which affects me, but I’m not the one in control here, he is, so I can’t pick us up and move on, thats up to him. My destiny is in his lazy hands. 

Alas, being a pilot’s wife means it’s very difficult to have my own focus (ALL/ANY suggestions welcome) because anything I do has to be totally portable to pack up and move along to our next country. So personally I am at a loss of what to do. Need a hobby job. A “jhobby”. I have a job which my heart just isn’t in. I need a passion!

I'm currently trawling these great websites for inspiration, check out these sites if you have time, very motivating:

careerinyoursuitcase.com

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