Fertility Blues

DH And I are still trying for our baby.. I guess we are now 20 months trying...?

Argh it is so frustrating, we have tried two months of Clomid so far and have had an ok response to it but it is heart breaking that its just not working (yet).

I really hope that it will come together for us, I have another 2 or 3 cycles of Clomid to go before "the next step" whatever the fertility specialist decides that will be for us.

I have managed to get my head around IVF at least, the idea doesn't bring me to a crumbling heap of nerves, fear and panic.

Although I haven't managed to get over the increased risk of multiples with fertility treatments! Twins! Ahh! Hmm! Err! I'm not so sure I could cope, especially being a primary parent as DH works and works away a lot and we live abroad and away from a family support network!

Unfortunately though by having long cycles it means that everything takes soooo loooong. I feel like I am forever waiting for the fertile period and then forever waiting for when to test for that BFP.

Life is certainly testing me and testing my patience with living abroad and having fertility issues ;-)

Thank god for mumsnet and other online forums where you can chat to other ladies and hear their advice and what they are going through. Fertility problems is such a private thing that in "real life" its just not discussed amongst friends.

Anyway, almost entering the fertile period now... I guess I better go busy myself and my husband *wink wink*

Dealing with long cycles and conception problems – the natural way

Day 49 and no AF in sight

Rightly or wrongly, I have decided to give two months to dealing with my PCOS and irregular periods the natural way, before resorting to Chlomid, Femara or Metformin.

My self-devised treatment plan constitutes of the following:

Two months – 13^th August until 15^th October 2014

Daily sunlight for 20mins – I have my morning coffee sitting in my bikini in the morning sunlight. Theory: stimulate natural Vitamin D production.

Cutting down on coffee to 1 cup a day – its been proven that excess coffee intake hinders fertility.

Drinking 1 cup of Green Tea a day – this may seem to contradict the above as Green Tea does have caffeine, however Green Tea is claimed to help increase fertile CM and through my own trials this has helped me too.

Cutting down on hard-core exercise. I usually exercise and exert myself to 100% for one hour, five times a week. I have decided to reduce this to max 30mins of cardio, four times a week and try to reduce the intensity. Theory: over-doing it on the exercise has shown to lengthen cycles. (I already have 45+ day cycles!)

No Carbs at Night – Previously I tried this for weight loss (I am slim, BMI 20 but stubborn patches of cellulite/fat) and had good results. Theory: PCOS is linked with insulin resistance and difficulty processing carbs/sugar. Also to balance out my lower levels of exercise! IMO the ‘night’ rule has no impact on cutting carbs, but I find it easier to have a personal curfew for carbs rather than just ‘cut down’

Acupuncture – I have always been intrigued with acupuncture. I took the plunge and went for it and minus a mini freak-out it was fine! I am now going for twice weekly acupuncture in the hope that it will help to stimulate my ovaries and regulate my hormones.

Chinese herbs – I am not so sure about this one, but my traditional acupuncturist Dr Zhang at Tong Ren Tang has prescribed me a course of Chinese herbs to help in balancing my Qi and for warming up my apparently ‘cold ovaries’.

Meditation – I am going to try to do 20-30 minutes of quiet time/meditation a day. Theory: a lot of fertility problems are linked to stress, plus the fact that TTC is an emotional rollercoaster and serious test of patience. I hope that by stilling the mind I can minimize my body’s production of cortisol and adrenalin.

Limiting alcohol intake – not only because of excess calories or potential pregnancy but also that alcohol affects estrogen production & I don’t want anything affecting my body’s hormone production.

So, the bottom line is this, I have been suffering with greasy hair and skin, long cycles, short light spotting of an excuse of a period, skin rashes and a sticky patch in my hair that appeared for a week (!!!) I don’t know whether I ovulate each month but 8 months and 6 cycles of TTC later I’m now willing to try anything!

 Wish me luck! xxx

Nerves, Excitement, Butterflies, Anxiety

So today is my husband's big interview day.

While sitting around waiting for the time for him to leave today and doing various limitations, interview questions, run through's I find myself feeling nervous and anxious for him.

Staring at the clock til the time he has to leave, counting down the minutes so my stress levels will go down once he leaves I realise the poor guy still has another 12 hours of stress ahead during the interview, test, simulator etc... argh!

What a stressful career!

So now he's gone and its time to keep occupied. Once he finishes at midnight tonight the next wait begins for a week or so to find out whether he was successful or not. Whether we are moving country or not. Whether all that Ikea researching, car researching, apartment researching for our "new destination" was worth it or not.

Oh the life of a Pilot's Wife. Just sit around being helpful to your husband and pushing him forward, being positive & hopeful about each choice and wondering what your next job will be at the new destination since clearly your job in the current environment isn't important enough to consider as a factor to stay.  No, you should go through life being the "behind the scenes" backup/organiser/motivator/creator with nothing to show for your hard work (nevermind all the shit moods, shouting, grumpiness, laziness and frustrations you have to put up with from your partner when he's under stress).

Relationship under pressure - hell yes!
Relationship stronger than ever - hell yes!
In need of a holiday - hell yes!

Roll on the relief of finishing, whatever result of the interview it will be nice to move on (and start it all again!) or get excited and anxious about the impending move!