Fertility Blues

DH And I are still trying for our baby.. I guess we are now 20 months trying...?

Argh it is so frustrating, we have tried two months of Clomid so far and have had an ok response to it but it is heart breaking that its just not working (yet).

I really hope that it will come together for us, I have another 2 or 3 cycles of Clomid to go before "the next step" whatever the fertility specialist decides that will be for us.

I have managed to get my head around IVF at least, the idea doesn't bring me to a crumbling heap of nerves, fear and panic.

Although I haven't managed to get over the increased risk of multiples with fertility treatments! Twins! Ahh! Hmm! Err! I'm not so sure I could cope, especially being a primary parent as DH works and works away a lot and we live abroad and away from a family support network!

Unfortunately though by having long cycles it means that everything takes soooo loooong. I feel like I am forever waiting for the fertile period and then forever waiting for when to test for that BFP.

Life is certainly testing me and testing my patience with living abroad and having fertility issues ;-)

Thank god for mumsnet and other online forums where you can chat to other ladies and hear their advice and what they are going through. Fertility problems is such a private thing that in "real life" its just not discussed amongst friends.

Anyway, almost entering the fertile period now... I guess I better go busy myself and my husband *wink wink*

New: Year, Country, Beginnings, Friends...

WOW! Its been almost six months since my last post, I can't believe where the time flies!

We have moved to a new country, DH has a new job, I'm learning a new language, making new friends, and trying to figure out what the heck is going on!

Unfortunately on the down side PCOS is still a b*tch but we struggle on and Soy Isoflavones have become my hero as far as shortening cycles and bringing forward/guaranteeing OV. 

The main lessons I have learned in the last 6 months is the patience of living out of a suitcase!

The lessons or things I wish to pass on to you...

• When you move country, use the first three months to put yourself out there - force yourself to meet new people, join that class, get out of your comfort zone and try out some local foods/language
• You can always do more in a day than you think. Give yourself a list of goals, not too long that you lose motivation, but push hard enough and you can always get that extra item ticked off that list!
• Never fight or lose patience with your in-laws. Its not worth it. Bite your tongue... you can do it. Just. a. few. more. weeks. living. all. together. Help. me!
• Don't let your husband walk over you. Speak up. You have a voice, it should always be heard. Your opinion matters. Don't put yourself to the bottom of the pile and don't take shit. 

Have a good month gorgeous readers...

I'll be back in 30 days (promise)

Goals for June

I am a total lover of goal setting, I have enough time in my life to focus on self improvement and therefore have set the following goals for June:

1. Drink rooibos tea everyday
2. Gym 5 times a week
3. Walk 30 minutes a day

Well so far I haven't quite managed to stick to it. I am about 90% there which for me is good enough. Unfortunately I totally fell off the wagon last Saturday at a free flow 'brunch' function where I drank so much wine it ended in me falling asleep at 4pm and not getting out of bed until 8am the next day. I don't think that much wine or 16 hours sleep is that good for anyone. <SO embarrassing>

Anyway, the outcome of all of this so far is:

• I feel good about myself, confident, sexy, healthy (disappointed in the wine-overdose though)
• My skin is much clearer having recently been overwhelmed by spots and grease due to having stopped hormonal contraceptives, finally it seems to be balancing nicely
• Skin texture is improved 
• I am definitely slimmer and more toned

So far so good on day ten. Lets make this week count and get back on track!

Good luck to all you other goal-setters out there. What are your goals for June? 

Expat Challenges: Don't get too attached to your friends

Its been a while since my last post, I have been kept busy lately as I've had a week of final goodbyes to my dearest friend here.

Living the life of an expat in a truly foreign country leads you to cling to the other expat friends you make... well unfortunately these people are drifting through life like you and not laying down roots so you get used to saying goodbye all too many times.

Ahhh, well. This is the life we are leading and "regular" life must go on despite losing an essential pillar to your "regular" life abroad. My friend John who just left was here from the start, my drinking buddy, my 'enabler' I always called him - bringing out the party girl in me, my confidant and little bit of normality in an otherwise surreal life. John would keep me happy and sane in the long weeks my husband is away and I am otherwise alone. The ring-leader of the gossip train within my husband's company and the glue which held our expat communities together: breaking up "the French group" or "the Spanish group" to create just a group of expats who hung out and a family away from family.

But, having such a good friend leave can't only be bad, here are the positives that I can draw from the situation, feel free to add any more:

• You can re-invent yourself: you aren't held back by people's established ideas of your personality
• It gets you out of your comfort zone: make the effort to meet new people and keep busy and you will be rewarded
• You're left re-evaluating your own situation and plans, this isn't good to dwell on and second guess yourself too much, but can stop you drifting along in your current job/situation for longer than you should.

Anyway, I'm off to join a new Yoga class in the hope of meeting some new non-drinking mates. 

Namaste 

Moving Forward - onwards and upwards

Time to pick yourself off the floor, out the gutter, get back in the driving seat. Moping time over!

I think that in life you are one of two characters when it comes to dealing with problems, either the type to: 1) Bury your head in the sand or, 2) Move on.

Dear Husband is quite happy watching TV, swimming, eating, relaxing, reading or playing games to avoid dealing with the issue/problem/failure. 

Us avoiding dealing with the issue

I, on the other hand simply cannot just “be”. I need to deal with the problem whether “dealing” is going to help move forward or not, I need to feel in control and proactively taking steps to remedy the issue in order to feel ok with the set-back. 

Recently DH was not selected for a job we really had our hearts set on. The country, the company, our new life was all a perfect fit and perfectly planned out. All that came crashing down with the rejection email that he unfortunately wasn’t successful in the interview. Cue heartache, disappointment, sadness, helplessness, feeling that life is unfair, frustration… arggghhh. But, life goes on. Ce la vie. 

Personally, in order to feel back in control of our destiny, I want to fire off some emails, apply for the next position, study and rehearse for the next interview, and move forward. DH wants to mourn the loss of this job and mope. But he doesn’t even want to mope which would almost be acceptable… he just wants to exist. Its so frustrating. How can you possibly relax just being left behind as life goes on?!?

I think I need my own focus which I am in control of. If I fail I can pick myself up and move on. What’s happened in this situation is DH has failed which affects me, but I’m not the one in control here, he is, so I can’t pick us up and move on, thats up to him. My destiny is in his lazy hands. 

Alas, being a pilot’s wife means it’s very difficult to have my own focus (ALL/ANY suggestions welcome) because anything I do has to be totally portable to pack up and move along to our next country. So personally I am at a loss of what to do. Need a hobby job. A “jhobby”. I have a job which my heart just isn’t in. I need a passion!

I'm currently trawling these great websites for inspiration, check out these sites if you have time, very motivating:

careerinyoursuitcase.com

Babes, Blogs & Business

Nerves, Excitement, Butterflies, Anxiety

So today is my husband's big interview day.

While sitting around waiting for the time for him to leave today and doing various limitations, interview questions, run through's I find myself feeling nervous and anxious for him.

Staring at the clock til the time he has to leave, counting down the minutes so my stress levels will go down once he leaves I realise the poor guy still has another 12 hours of stress ahead during the interview, test, simulator etc... argh!

What a stressful career!

So now he's gone and its time to keep occupied. Once he finishes at midnight tonight the next wait begins for a week or so to find out whether he was successful or not. Whether we are moving country or not. Whether all that Ikea researching, car researching, apartment researching for our "new destination" was worth it or not.

Oh the life of a Pilot's Wife. Just sit around being helpful to your husband and pushing him forward, being positive & hopeful about each choice and wondering what your next job will be at the new destination since clearly your job in the current environment isn't important enough to consider as a factor to stay.  No, you should go through life being the "behind the scenes" backup/organiser/motivator/creator with nothing to show for your hard work (nevermind all the shit moods, shouting, grumpiness, laziness and frustrations you have to put up with from your partner when he's under stress).

Relationship under pressure - hell yes!
Relationship stronger than ever - hell yes!
In need of a holiday - hell yes!

Roll on the relief of finishing, whatever result of the interview it will be nice to move on (and start it all again!) or get excited and anxious about the impending move!

Dealing with the "Four Day Schedule"

So my husband is away for four days. This means I am alone for four days. Literally not a soul to speak to.

Here are my top ten activities to keep busy while he is away to avoid going insane:

1) Catch up on all emails, whatsapps, texts, face books, tweets etc. Write to friends or family you haven't heard from in a while and make sure you keep in touch.  Follow me on twitter @imupforlife

2) Go to the GYM! We've covered this already: gym = positive body, positive mind, positive attitude. Check out Pop Sugar Fitness Website or Pop Sugar Fitness YouTube Channel which are both amazing for motivation & have ten minute workouts you can do from Yoga, Treadmill, Weights, Cardio......

3) Go for a walk. Not related to "exercising" but simply related to clearing your mind, having some peace and embracing the alone-time

4) Put down your cellphone. Stop playing Bubble Witch/Candy Crush/Tetris or whatever your poison is. You're wasting your life and getting a headache

5) Cook. Google a recipe you're craving, go grocery shopping and cook up a storm. Cake? Pancake? Curry? Gnocchi? Find something on Pintrest and give it a go!

6) Sort out your computer. This sounds super duper dull but don't you have a load of crap on your laptop? I do. 5 photos of the same thing really aren't needed. De-clutter and organise your life starting with your tech.

7) Sort out your junk drawer. Again this sounds dull but this time its not the act that counts its the feeling it gives you. This is a tip from a book I read which deals with depression. The act of sorting out a stationery/junk/kitchen drawer, as small an act as it is empowers you to sort out the rest of your life. I dare you to try this 'crazy' idea. Worst that happens: you get an organised junk drawer

8) Do the laundry. Boooooringgggg, but it will keep you busy. And if all the washing & ironing is done before hubby comes back it means more Quality Time together coz the administration of life is done.

9) Change the bedsheets. Mmmmm... nothing like crisp fresh linen. This one is for you and your soul. Relish and enjoy laying in fresh bedsheets before the wild animal husband comes back and sweats/crinkles/'dirty's your blissful bed.

10) Lastly, to keep yourself busy, feel good and get ready for hubby's return; Shower, Shave, Pluck, Paint nails, Blowdry, Exfoliate, Tone skin, Fake tan, Moisturize, Whiten, Floss... you get the picture. Get yourself totally beautified. Not just for him, for you to feel good and worthwhile.

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Positives & Negatives of Life Abroad

Hello fellow Blog Lurkers,

I've been a "trailing spouse" for the past two years and our first adventures have brought us to South East Asia (SEA). I say "trailing spouse" in inverted commas because that makes it sound like I've been pulled along unwillingly, which is not true. I have my own career in South East Asia and am just as much up for the challenge of moving abroad as my husband (possibly more so!).

Having grown up in two different countries I am quite used to different cultures and customs and enjoy having a mixed "Identity".

Positives of having lived an extended time away from "home":

• Full, enriched life
• Open minded
• Understand different cultures
• Learn whats truly valuable and important in life
• Reinvent yourself

Negatives of living the expat life:

• How on earth do you answer the question "where do you come from?" Uuuuhh, I've lived equally across two countries and now live in SEA. I don't know "where I come from". My loyalties lie with two, not one place. 
• Putting up with embarrassing people from your "home country" ahh.... you don't want the locals generalising that all people from England are like that... etc. 
• Losing the ability to chat to old friends at home about current events: "Jordan who? Idols who? Radio host who? Which Restaurant?"   ---   Life at home moves on... without you!
• Loneliness. Its not easy to make friends. Its definitely not easy to make friends. 
• Pretending to love the food - yellow food anyone? 

Personally I LOVE living  "abroad" with no intentions to go home anytime soon. We may be contemplating our next move but its certainly not "home"... 

Inspiration from: HSBC Expat Explorer Blogs 

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