Fertility Blues

DH And I are still trying for our baby.. I guess we are now 20 months trying...?

Argh it is so frustrating, we have tried two months of Clomid so far and have had an ok response to it but it is heart breaking that its just not working (yet).

I really hope that it will come together for us, I have another 2 or 3 cycles of Clomid to go before "the next step" whatever the fertility specialist decides that will be for us.

I have managed to get my head around IVF at least, the idea doesn't bring me to a crumbling heap of nerves, fear and panic.

Although I haven't managed to get over the increased risk of multiples with fertility treatments! Twins! Ahh! Hmm! Err! I'm not so sure I could cope, especially being a primary parent as DH works and works away a lot and we live abroad and away from a family support network!

Unfortunately though by having long cycles it means that everything takes soooo loooong. I feel like I am forever waiting for the fertile period and then forever waiting for when to test for that BFP.

Life is certainly testing me and testing my patience with living abroad and having fertility issues ;-)

Thank god for mumsnet and other online forums where you can chat to other ladies and hear their advice and what they are going through. Fertility problems is such a private thing that in "real life" its just not discussed amongst friends.

Anyway, almost entering the fertile period now... I guess I better go busy myself and my husband *wink wink*

New: Year, Country, Beginnings, Friends...

WOW! Its been almost six months since my last post, I can't believe where the time flies!

We have moved to a new country, DH has a new job, I'm learning a new language, making new friends, and trying to figure out what the heck is going on!

Unfortunately on the down side PCOS is still a b*tch but we struggle on and Soy Isoflavones have become my hero as far as shortening cycles and bringing forward/guaranteeing OV. 

The main lessons I have learned in the last 6 months is the patience of living out of a suitcase!

The lessons or things I wish to pass on to you...

• When you move country, use the first three months to put yourself out there - force yourself to meet new people, join that class, get out of your comfort zone and try out some local foods/language
• You can always do more in a day than you think. Give yourself a list of goals, not too long that you lose motivation, but push hard enough and you can always get that extra item ticked off that list!
• Never fight or lose patience with your in-laws. Its not worth it. Bite your tongue... you can do it. Just. a. few. more. weeks. living. all. together. Help. me!
• Don't let your husband walk over you. Speak up. You have a voice, it should always be heard. Your opinion matters. Don't put yourself to the bottom of the pile and don't take shit. 

Have a good month gorgeous readers...

I'll be back in 30 days (promise)

Dealing with long cycles and conception problems – the natural way

Day 49 and no AF in sight

Rightly or wrongly, I have decided to give two months to dealing with my PCOS and irregular periods the natural way, before resorting to Chlomid, Femara or Metformin.

My self-devised treatment plan constitutes of the following:

Two months – 13^th August until 15^th October 2014

Daily sunlight for 20mins – I have my morning coffee sitting in my bikini in the morning sunlight. Theory: stimulate natural Vitamin D production.

Cutting down on coffee to 1 cup a day – its been proven that excess coffee intake hinders fertility.

Drinking 1 cup of Green Tea a day – this may seem to contradict the above as Green Tea does have caffeine, however Green Tea is claimed to help increase fertile CM and through my own trials this has helped me too.

Cutting down on hard-core exercise. I usually exercise and exert myself to 100% for one hour, five times a week. I have decided to reduce this to max 30mins of cardio, four times a week and try to reduce the intensity. Theory: over-doing it on the exercise has shown to lengthen cycles. (I already have 45+ day cycles!)

No Carbs at Night – Previously I tried this for weight loss (I am slim, BMI 20 but stubborn patches of cellulite/fat) and had good results. Theory: PCOS is linked with insulin resistance and difficulty processing carbs/sugar. Also to balance out my lower levels of exercise! IMO the ‘night’ rule has no impact on cutting carbs, but I find it easier to have a personal curfew for carbs rather than just ‘cut down’

Acupuncture – I have always been intrigued with acupuncture. I took the plunge and went for it and minus a mini freak-out it was fine! I am now going for twice weekly acupuncture in the hope that it will help to stimulate my ovaries and regulate my hormones.

Chinese herbs – I am not so sure about this one, but my traditional acupuncturist Dr Zhang at Tong Ren Tang has prescribed me a course of Chinese herbs to help in balancing my Qi and for warming up my apparently ‘cold ovaries’.

Meditation – I am going to try to do 20-30 minutes of quiet time/meditation a day. Theory: a lot of fertility problems are linked to stress, plus the fact that TTC is an emotional rollercoaster and serious test of patience. I hope that by stilling the mind I can minimize my body’s production of cortisol and adrenalin.

Limiting alcohol intake – not only because of excess calories or potential pregnancy but also that alcohol affects estrogen production & I don’t want anything affecting my body’s hormone production.

So, the bottom line is this, I have been suffering with greasy hair and skin, long cycles, short light spotting of an excuse of a period, skin rashes and a sticky patch in my hair that appeared for a week (!!!) I don’t know whether I ovulate each month but 8 months and 6 cycles of TTC later I’m now willing to try anything!

 Wish me luck! xxx

How to Make Iced Rooibos Tea - ultimate home recipe

Just thought I would share with you my recipe of how to make a healthy, moreish and refreshing pitcher of Rooibos Tea. 

Rooibos is well-known for its health benefits, in fact I have already done a post on its benefits (read more here) (or here). And not only is it good for you and naturally caffeine-free but it is also super tasty and refreshing. 

Anyway here's how I make my iced Rooibos.

Ingredients:

• 2 Rooibos teabags (I recommend Tick-Tock brand as a personal fav.)
• 1.2 litres of fresh water (I use mineral water as we can't drink the tap water here)
• 4 Teaspoons of sugar or honey
• 1 or 2 flavour enhancers from this list:   
• 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon or even better a stick of fresh cinnamon*
•  zest and juice of 1 lemon or orange*

Directions:

Plop your sugar, teabags and cold water in a large pot on the stove. Add your flavour enhancer (cinnamon is my favourite).

Set the flame to high for five minutes, then turn to low for a further 3-5 minutes. Stir occasionally to infuse all the flavours and melt the sugar/honey.

Do not let the water boil but it should get very hot!

Once 7-10 minutes is up (remember not to let it get to boiling point) turn the heat off but leave the pot on the stove with teabags still in for 30mins or so to come back down to room temperature. 

After that, remove the teabags and any loose large ingredients and at this stage I run mine through a fine sieve to get out the most of the cinnamon grains although you can just leave them in and not drink the dregs which I often do when lazy!

Decant the tea into a bottle it and pop it in the fridge until nice and cold. Serve over a handful of ice blocks to really enjoy!

YUM!

Let me know what you think or if you have any suggestions of how else to spice up the iced tea! 

Trials & Tribulations of a Pilots Wife: Making Mini-me's

Well, Dearest Husband and I have been Trying To Conceive (#TTC for those in the know) our first baby for the past 8 months. Eight Months! This is so not as easy as you think are told during your teens/early twenties and living in the constant fear of birth control failure!

Well, 8 months off Birth Control (#BC for those in the know) and nothing. No Big Fat Positive (#BFP) pregnancy test, just a hell of a lot of let down BFN's.

Thinking about BABIES!

Anyway, I'm sure I can blame this on being a Pilots Wife and living the Pilots Life. Hubby is away 5 or 6
days of the week and women only ovulate once a month. Did you know that the egg only lives for 24 hours!?! Well with sperm living for 4 days or do that gives maybe 4 fertile days a month.

Statistics & facts are definitely not in our favour. Anyway, back to crazy baby-making brain with other OTT women slowly driving themselves insane playing the waiting game and trying to jump their husbands as much as possible. My stats below for those in the know:

30YO, TTC#1, Off BC since Jan, CD35, 14DPO, DTD @ OV, POAS today: BFN, AF due today. Temping, charting & on CM watch.

Besides simply getting busy and down to action if anyone has some miracle baby making advise please let me know.

Signed,
Loopy-Despondent-HopefullyPregnantSoon-Mom2Be

Expat Challenges: Don't get too attached to your friends

Its been a while since my last post, I have been kept busy lately as I've had a week of final goodbyes to my dearest friend here.

Living the life of an expat in a truly foreign country leads you to cling to the other expat friends you make... well unfortunately these people are drifting through life like you and not laying down roots so you get used to saying goodbye all too many times.

Ahhh, well. This is the life we are leading and "regular" life must go on despite losing an essential pillar to your "regular" life abroad. My friend John who just left was here from the start, my drinking buddy, my 'enabler' I always called him - bringing out the party girl in me, my confidant and little bit of normality in an otherwise surreal life. John would keep me happy and sane in the long weeks my husband is away and I am otherwise alone. The ring-leader of the gossip train within my husband's company and the glue which held our expat communities together: breaking up "the French group" or "the Spanish group" to create just a group of expats who hung out and a family away from family.

But, having such a good friend leave can't only be bad, here are the positives that I can draw from the situation, feel free to add any more:

• You can re-invent yourself: you aren't held back by people's established ideas of your personality
• It gets you out of your comfort zone: make the effort to meet new people and keep busy and you will be rewarded
• You're left re-evaluating your own situation and plans, this isn't good to dwell on and second guess yourself too much, but can stop you drifting along in your current job/situation for longer than you should.

Anyway, I'm off to join a new Yoga class in the hope of meeting some new non-drinking mates. 

Namaste 

Moving Forward - onwards and upwards

Time to pick yourself off the floor, out the gutter, get back in the driving seat. Moping time over!

I think that in life you are one of two characters when it comes to dealing with problems, either the type to: 1) Bury your head in the sand or, 2) Move on.

Dear Husband is quite happy watching TV, swimming, eating, relaxing, reading or playing games to avoid dealing with the issue/problem/failure. 

Us avoiding dealing with the issue

I, on the other hand simply cannot just “be”. I need to deal with the problem whether “dealing” is going to help move forward or not, I need to feel in control and proactively taking steps to remedy the issue in order to feel ok with the set-back. 

Recently DH was not selected for a job we really had our hearts set on. The country, the company, our new life was all a perfect fit and perfectly planned out. All that came crashing down with the rejection email that he unfortunately wasn’t successful in the interview. Cue heartache, disappointment, sadness, helplessness, feeling that life is unfair, frustration… arggghhh. But, life goes on. Ce la vie. 

Personally, in order to feel back in control of our destiny, I want to fire off some emails, apply for the next position, study and rehearse for the next interview, and move forward. DH wants to mourn the loss of this job and mope. But he doesn’t even want to mope which would almost be acceptable… he just wants to exist. Its so frustrating. How can you possibly relax just being left behind as life goes on?!?

I think I need my own focus which I am in control of. If I fail I can pick myself up and move on. What’s happened in this situation is DH has failed which affects me, but I’m not the one in control here, he is, so I can’t pick us up and move on, thats up to him. My destiny is in his lazy hands. 

Alas, being a pilot’s wife means it’s very difficult to have my own focus (ALL/ANY suggestions welcome) because anything I do has to be totally portable to pack up and move along to our next country. So personally I am at a loss of what to do. Need a hobby job. A “jhobby”. I have a job which my heart just isn’t in. I need a passion!

I'm currently trawling these great websites for inspiration, check out these sites if you have time, very motivating:

careerinyoursuitcase.com

Babes, Blogs & Business

Nerves, Excitement, Butterflies, Anxiety

So today is my husband's big interview day.

While sitting around waiting for the time for him to leave today and doing various limitations, interview questions, run through's I find myself feeling nervous and anxious for him.

Staring at the clock til the time he has to leave, counting down the minutes so my stress levels will go down once he leaves I realise the poor guy still has another 12 hours of stress ahead during the interview, test, simulator etc... argh!

What a stressful career!

So now he's gone and its time to keep occupied. Once he finishes at midnight tonight the next wait begins for a week or so to find out whether he was successful or not. Whether we are moving country or not. Whether all that Ikea researching, car researching, apartment researching for our "new destination" was worth it or not.

Oh the life of a Pilot's Wife. Just sit around being helpful to your husband and pushing him forward, being positive & hopeful about each choice and wondering what your next job will be at the new destination since clearly your job in the current environment isn't important enough to consider as a factor to stay.  No, you should go through life being the "behind the scenes" backup/organiser/motivator/creator with nothing to show for your hard work (nevermind all the shit moods, shouting, grumpiness, laziness and frustrations you have to put up with from your partner when he's under stress).

Relationship under pressure - hell yes!
Relationship stronger than ever - hell yes!
In need of a holiday - hell yes!

Roll on the relief of finishing, whatever result of the interview it will be nice to move on (and start it all again!) or get excited and anxious about the impending move!

Risk VS Returns: Dare to Dream!

You gotta have a dream!

So my lovely Pilot husband is preparing for an interview. I’m not going to lie its not easy… he is dreadful at tests, pressure, studying, (he’s convinced he’s dyslexic), and overall is a total dreamer so battles to concentrate on actually getting the job done in terms of preparation as in his mind he’s already decided where we’re going to live, what car we’re going to drive and where we are going to shop. 

So my dilemma is constantly one of pushing, nudging, guiding, moulding. 

Helping by being a study buddy, doing call-outs for PF/PM, practising emergency procedures, doing limitations tests...

Helping by shopping, cooking, washing up, laundry, banking, admin, organising, emailing, booking sim practise slots, booking flights, hotels…

Helping by taking shit. I swear I am the stress punching bag. The iPad doesn’t work… shout at the wife. The internet doesn’t connect… shout at the wife. He can’t remember his air systems flashcards he just studied… shout at the wife. His notes are misplaced… shout at the wife. 

Is it all worth it for the dream of the next job. Do you DARE TO DREAM. What if it doesnt come thru. What if he doesn’t get the job offer. 

If you’ve ever read The Secret by Rhonda Byrne you will know that you should never think like that. Quash the “What-if’s”.  Amazon "The Secret" Book

I can’t wait for the interview. I can’t wait for the phone call of the interview run-through by my husband with a blow-by-blow account of what happened, what he nailed, what they asked. I can’t wait for the email confirming his job. I can’t wait to celebrate and feel the YESSSSSSSSSS. F**k yeah! YESSS!!

The return will be so worth it. Just take the risk and believe. 

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Dealing with the "Four Day Schedule"

So my husband is away for four days. This means I am alone for four days. Literally not a soul to speak to.

Here are my top ten activities to keep busy while he is away to avoid going insane:

1) Catch up on all emails, whatsapps, texts, face books, tweets etc. Write to friends or family you haven't heard from in a while and make sure you keep in touch.  Follow me on twitter @imupforlife

2) Go to the GYM! We've covered this already: gym = positive body, positive mind, positive attitude. Check out Pop Sugar Fitness Website or Pop Sugar Fitness YouTube Channel which are both amazing for motivation & have ten minute workouts you can do from Yoga, Treadmill, Weights, Cardio......

3) Go for a walk. Not related to "exercising" but simply related to clearing your mind, having some peace and embracing the alone-time

4) Put down your cellphone. Stop playing Bubble Witch/Candy Crush/Tetris or whatever your poison is. You're wasting your life and getting a headache

5) Cook. Google a recipe you're craving, go grocery shopping and cook up a storm. Cake? Pancake? Curry? Gnocchi? Find something on Pintrest and give it a go!

6) Sort out your computer. This sounds super duper dull but don't you have a load of crap on your laptop? I do. 5 photos of the same thing really aren't needed. De-clutter and organise your life starting with your tech.

7) Sort out your junk drawer. Again this sounds dull but this time its not the act that counts its the feeling it gives you. This is a tip from a book I read which deals with depression. The act of sorting out a stationery/junk/kitchen drawer, as small an act as it is empowers you to sort out the rest of your life. I dare you to try this 'crazy' idea. Worst that happens: you get an organised junk drawer

8) Do the laundry. Boooooringgggg, but it will keep you busy. And if all the washing & ironing is done before hubby comes back it means more Quality Time together coz the administration of life is done.

9) Change the bedsheets. Mmmmm... nothing like crisp fresh linen. This one is for you and your soul. Relish and enjoy laying in fresh bedsheets before the wild animal husband comes back and sweats/crinkles/'dirty's your blissful bed.

10) Lastly, to keep yourself busy, feel good and get ready for hubby's return; Shower, Shave, Pluck, Paint nails, Blowdry, Exfoliate, Tone skin, Fake tan, Moisturize, Whiten, Floss... you get the picture. Get yourself totally beautified. Not just for him, for you to feel good and worthwhile.

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Secret Diary of a Pilot's Wife

Welcome to my secret diary of my life as a Pilot's wife.  You will soon discover that I prefer my life not to be defined as "pilot's wife" but rather as my own worthwhile life, however my secret diary will cover all the inner truthful angst-y feelings involved in following my husband across the world and  feeling a loss of self.

About me; I'm in my early thirties, tall, blonde, fit and healthy a lacking a college degree. This means I have low self esteem about my abilities and I have no on paper career. I've been successful in all my jobs but I have nothing to show for it and no set job title. Great.  Therefore I am "XXX's wife, you know, the blonde one from New Zealand". [I'm not actually from NZ, but if I disclose where I am from I fear my secret diary will not be so secret, its kinda unique!]

About my husband: He's also in his early thirties and a First Officer for a low cost carrier in South-East Asia.  His reason for becoming a pilot: the prestige.  He loves taking photos, he loves his uniform, he loves the flight attendants in their uniforms, basically he loves feeling like king fucking ding-a-ling.

So now in this page of my blog I will go through chapter upon chapter of ups, downs, happiness, annoyances and irritations of: life as a trailing spouse: the pilots wife edition!