Expat Challenges: Don't get too attached to your friends

Its been a while since my last post, I have been kept busy lately as I've had a week of final goodbyes to my dearest friend here.

Living the life of an expat in a truly foreign country leads you to cling to the other expat friends you make... well unfortunately these people are drifting through life like you and not laying down roots so you get used to saying goodbye all too many times.

Ahhh, well. This is the life we are leading and "regular" life must go on despite losing an essential pillar to your "regular" life abroad. My friend John who just left was here from the start, my drinking buddy, my 'enabler' I always called him - bringing out the party girl in me, my confidant and little bit of normality in an otherwise surreal life. John would keep me happy and sane in the long weeks my husband is away and I am otherwise alone. The ring-leader of the gossip train within my husband's company and the glue which held our expat communities together: breaking up "the French group" or "the Spanish group" to create just a group of expats who hung out and a family away from family.

But, having such a good friend leave can't only be bad, here are the positives that I can draw from the situation, feel free to add any more:

• You can re-invent yourself: you aren't held back by people's established ideas of your personality
• It gets you out of your comfort zone: make the effort to meet new people and keep busy and you will be rewarded
• You're left re-evaluating your own situation and plans, this isn't good to dwell on and second guess yourself too much, but can stop you drifting along in your current job/situation for longer than you should.

Anyway, I'm off to join a new Yoga class in the hope of meeting some new non-drinking mates. 

Namaste 

Moving Forward - onwards and upwards

Time to pick yourself off the floor, out the gutter, get back in the driving seat. Moping time over!

I think that in life you are one of two characters when it comes to dealing with problems, either the type to: 1) Bury your head in the sand or, 2) Move on.

Dear Husband is quite happy watching TV, swimming, eating, relaxing, reading or playing games to avoid dealing with the issue/problem/failure. 

Us avoiding dealing with the issue

I, on the other hand simply cannot just “be”. I need to deal with the problem whether “dealing” is going to help move forward or not, I need to feel in control and proactively taking steps to remedy the issue in order to feel ok with the set-back. 

Recently DH was not selected for a job we really had our hearts set on. The country, the company, our new life was all a perfect fit and perfectly planned out. All that came crashing down with the rejection email that he unfortunately wasn’t successful in the interview. Cue heartache, disappointment, sadness, helplessness, feeling that life is unfair, frustration… arggghhh. But, life goes on. Ce la vie. 

Personally, in order to feel back in control of our destiny, I want to fire off some emails, apply for the next position, study and rehearse for the next interview, and move forward. DH wants to mourn the loss of this job and mope. But he doesn’t even want to mope which would almost be acceptable… he just wants to exist. Its so frustrating. How can you possibly relax just being left behind as life goes on?!?

I think I need my own focus which I am in control of. If I fail I can pick myself up and move on. What’s happened in this situation is DH has failed which affects me, but I’m not the one in control here, he is, so I can’t pick us up and move on, thats up to him. My destiny is in his lazy hands. 

Alas, being a pilot’s wife means it’s very difficult to have my own focus (ALL/ANY suggestions welcome) because anything I do has to be totally portable to pack up and move along to our next country. So personally I am at a loss of what to do. Need a hobby job. A “jhobby”. I have a job which my heart just isn’t in. I need a passion!

I'm currently trawling these great websites for inspiration, check out these sites if you have time, very motivating:

careerinyoursuitcase.com

Babes, Blogs & Business

Nerves, Excitement, Butterflies, Anxiety

So today is my husband's big interview day.

While sitting around waiting for the time for him to leave today and doing various limitations, interview questions, run through's I find myself feeling nervous and anxious for him.

Staring at the clock til the time he has to leave, counting down the minutes so my stress levels will go down once he leaves I realise the poor guy still has another 12 hours of stress ahead during the interview, test, simulator etc... argh!

What a stressful career!

So now he's gone and its time to keep occupied. Once he finishes at midnight tonight the next wait begins for a week or so to find out whether he was successful or not. Whether we are moving country or not. Whether all that Ikea researching, car researching, apartment researching for our "new destination" was worth it or not.

Oh the life of a Pilot's Wife. Just sit around being helpful to your husband and pushing him forward, being positive & hopeful about each choice and wondering what your next job will be at the new destination since clearly your job in the current environment isn't important enough to consider as a factor to stay.  No, you should go through life being the "behind the scenes" backup/organiser/motivator/creator with nothing to show for your hard work (nevermind all the shit moods, shouting, grumpiness, laziness and frustrations you have to put up with from your partner when he's under stress).

Relationship under pressure - hell yes!
Relationship stronger than ever - hell yes!
In need of a holiday - hell yes!

Roll on the relief of finishing, whatever result of the interview it will be nice to move on (and start it all again!) or get excited and anxious about the impending move!

Risk VS Returns: Dare to Dream!

You gotta have a dream!

So my lovely Pilot husband is preparing for an interview. I’m not going to lie its not easy… he is dreadful at tests, pressure, studying, (he’s convinced he’s dyslexic), and overall is a total dreamer so battles to concentrate on actually getting the job done in terms of preparation as in his mind he’s already decided where we’re going to live, what car we’re going to drive and where we are going to shop. 

So my dilemma is constantly one of pushing, nudging, guiding, moulding. 

Helping by being a study buddy, doing call-outs for PF/PM, practising emergency procedures, doing limitations tests...

Helping by shopping, cooking, washing up, laundry, banking, admin, organising, emailing, booking sim practise slots, booking flights, hotels…

Helping by taking shit. I swear I am the stress punching bag. The iPad doesn’t work… shout at the wife. The internet doesn’t connect… shout at the wife. He can’t remember his air systems flashcards he just studied… shout at the wife. His notes are misplaced… shout at the wife. 

Is it all worth it for the dream of the next job. Do you DARE TO DREAM. What if it doesnt come thru. What if he doesn’t get the job offer. 

If you’ve ever read The Secret by Rhonda Byrne you will know that you should never think like that. Quash the “What-if’s”.  Amazon "The Secret" Book

I can’t wait for the interview. I can’t wait for the phone call of the interview run-through by my husband with a blow-by-blow account of what happened, what he nailed, what they asked. I can’t wait for the email confirming his job. I can’t wait to celebrate and feel the YESSSSSSSSSS. F**k yeah! YESSS!!

The return will be so worth it. Just take the risk and believe. 

WebRep

currentVote

noRating

noWeight

Dealing with the "Four Day Schedule"

So my husband is away for four days. This means I am alone for four days. Literally not a soul to speak to.

Here are my top ten activities to keep busy while he is away to avoid going insane:

1) Catch up on all emails, whatsapps, texts, face books, tweets etc. Write to friends or family you haven't heard from in a while and make sure you keep in touch.  Follow me on twitter @imupforlife

2) Go to the GYM! We've covered this already: gym = positive body, positive mind, positive attitude. Check out Pop Sugar Fitness Website or Pop Sugar Fitness YouTube Channel which are both amazing for motivation & have ten minute workouts you can do from Yoga, Treadmill, Weights, Cardio......

3) Go for a walk. Not related to "exercising" but simply related to clearing your mind, having some peace and embracing the alone-time

4) Put down your cellphone. Stop playing Bubble Witch/Candy Crush/Tetris or whatever your poison is. You're wasting your life and getting a headache

5) Cook. Google a recipe you're craving, go grocery shopping and cook up a storm. Cake? Pancake? Curry? Gnocchi? Find something on Pintrest and give it a go!

6) Sort out your computer. This sounds super duper dull but don't you have a load of crap on your laptop? I do. 5 photos of the same thing really aren't needed. De-clutter and organise your life starting with your tech.

7) Sort out your junk drawer. Again this sounds dull but this time its not the act that counts its the feeling it gives you. This is a tip from a book I read which deals with depression. The act of sorting out a stationery/junk/kitchen drawer, as small an act as it is empowers you to sort out the rest of your life. I dare you to try this 'crazy' idea. Worst that happens: you get an organised junk drawer

8) Do the laundry. Boooooringgggg, but it will keep you busy. And if all the washing & ironing is done before hubby comes back it means more Quality Time together coz the administration of life is done.

9) Change the bedsheets. Mmmmm... nothing like crisp fresh linen. This one is for you and your soul. Relish and enjoy laying in fresh bedsheets before the wild animal husband comes back and sweats/crinkles/'dirty's your blissful bed.

10) Lastly, to keep yourself busy, feel good and get ready for hubby's return; Shower, Shave, Pluck, Paint nails, Blowdry, Exfoliate, Tone skin, Fake tan, Moisturize, Whiten, Floss... you get the picture. Get yourself totally beautified. Not just for him, for you to feel good and worthwhile.

WebRep

currentVote

noRating

noWeight

Secret Diary of a Pilot's Wife

Welcome to my secret diary of my life as a Pilot's wife.  You will soon discover that I prefer my life not to be defined as "pilot's wife" but rather as my own worthwhile life, however my secret diary will cover all the inner truthful angst-y feelings involved in following my husband across the world and  feeling a loss of self.

About me; I'm in my early thirties, tall, blonde, fit and healthy a lacking a college degree. This means I have low self esteem about my abilities and I have no on paper career. I've been successful in all my jobs but I have nothing to show for it and no set job title. Great.  Therefore I am "XXX's wife, you know, the blonde one from New Zealand". [I'm not actually from NZ, but if I disclose where I am from I fear my secret diary will not be so secret, its kinda unique!]

About my husband: He's also in his early thirties and a First Officer for a low cost carrier in South-East Asia.  His reason for becoming a pilot: the prestige.  He loves taking photos, he loves his uniform, he loves the flight attendants in their uniforms, basically he loves feeling like king fucking ding-a-ling.

So now in this page of my blog I will go through chapter upon chapter of ups, downs, happiness, annoyances and irritations of: life as a trailing spouse: the pilots wife edition! 

Gym Time: Expats abroad, nothing to do, GO TO GYM!

Living abroad with not many, hardly any, very few friends can leave you little to do on a weekend while Hubby is away at work.

So, what to do... go to gym! 

The simple benefits of gym (in case you need reminding, we ALL need reminding) include:

• its uplifting / mood booster
• healthy
• keeps you occupied both mind & body
• its natural to keep active and I know in my usual sedentary lifestyle if I didn't go to gym I would be considered horrendously inactive.

I go to gym about 4 or 5 times a week usually. Having quit smoking this year I can now achieve this:

One Hour as Far / Fast as you can

CHALLENGE: If you don't feel like working out; just go to the gym. 

Once you arrive you can turn around and leave if you wish. Just Go There. 

(You'll probably stay...)

For my my latest motivation is the Runkeeper app on my phone. Previously I had it on my Android and now on my iPhone. You can set it to auto track steps it is AWESOME. Runkeeper 

My personal challenge for April is to run/walk/cover 100km. Like I said I have a very small/sedentary life so this is a real challenge. 

Off to the gym then! xxx

WebRep

currentVote

noRating

noWeight